Bob-net Never Dies

I hope you all live next to hospitals, because you’re about to bust a gut.

The set-up: Donnie Davies is a musician and a “reformed homosexual.”

When I was in highschool I kept having feelings for the boys I was in school with. Often I would let these feelings take over. I got into lots of trouble when I was Gay.

I stopped listening to secular music and started going to my fathers church services. I was so miserable, being gay, something had to happen. I found Jesus! I found Jesus and He showed me the way. The right way to live that is. Loving, Gods Way!

… which brings us to Love God’s Way Ministries, Davies’ organization. The group’s website is dedicated to a program that Davies calls C.H.O.P.S., or Changing Homosexuals Into Ordinary People.

The punchline: The site provides lists of “Safe Bands” and “Gay Bands.” Among the “Bands to watch out for,” you’ll find:

Scissor Sisters
Rufus Wainwright
Elton John
The Indigo Girls
The Pet Shop Boys

Silly, but not surprising appearances, really. Elsewhere, however, lie some entries that would likely score Davies a date with a Glock:

Ghostface Killah
Jay-Z
DMX

But what makes the list really entertaining are the entries that contain parenthetical comments. Some are truly puzzling:

The Grateful Dead (AIDS)
Marilyn Manson (dark gay)
Morrissey (?questionable?)
George Michael (texan)
Ted Nugent (loincloth)
Elton John (really gay)

So what straightening acts are on the safe list? The usual suspects:

Michael W. Smith
Jars of Clay
DC Talk

.. and then

The Dresden Dolls
Cyndi Lauper

What idiots.

A: This phrase appeared at the beginning of tonight’s episode of Heroes, nearly making Bob laugh himself out of his bed
Q: What is “With George Takei”?

“Say Yes,” Elliott Smith
“One Way Out,” The Allman Brothers band
“Linger,” The Cranberries
“Where Were You (live),” Jonatha Brooke
“Sexy Sadie (Anthology),” The Beatles
“Verdis Quo,” Daft Punk
“The Mistress Witch From McClure (Or The Mind That Knows Itself),” Sufjan Stevens
“Can I Get A (Unplugged),” Jay-Z
“Pigs (Three Different Ones),” Pink Floyd
“5 Million Ways To Kill A CEO,” The Coup

I see my good friend Chelsea has poster her take on the Oscar nominees. Suffering a lack of creativity and suppressing my guilt-of-ripping-people-off gene, I thought I’d do the same.

And then I got depressed.

At first quick count, there are 39 movies competing for the night’s major awards. I’ve seen six of them. That probably has something to do with the numbers represented by the following chart, provided by the lovely — if confusing — Microsoft Office 2007.

Not represented by that chart is the horror and regret that a portion of that tiny slice was Date Movie.

Ordinarily, such factors would lead one to abstain from tossing about Oscar opinions. But not me.

BEST PICTURE: The Queen’s Departed Letters from Little Miss Babel. Little Miss Sunshine is actually the only one I’ve seen of the bunch. But they didn’t steal the trophy at the end*, so I’m giving it to Babel. Let Scorsese, Eastwood, and Mirren actually go a few minutes without being recognized.

BEST ACTOR: Forest Whitaker, because they snubbed him on Ghost Dog.

BEST ACTRESS: Helen Mirren, because I feel bad about snubbing The Queen.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: Arkin managed to inject a bit of warmth into his outrageous lines in Sunshine, but I’m giving it to this guy.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Move over, Tatum O’Neal! Here comes … Jennifer Hudson?

ANIMATED FEATURE FILM: Either Cars or Monster House. I didn’t see Happy Feet because it’s just a bunch of liberal propaganda.

ART DIRECTION: Pan’s Labyrinth, based solely on the trailer. Courtney and I spent several minutes the other night laughing at EW’s ridiculously written review. Please check it out.

CINEMATOGRAPHY: Children of Men. I saw this one, and there were some looooong shots that just amazed me. And the future’s bells and whistles were certainly noticeable, but not in the way.

So there you have it. An Oscar run-down from a run-down moviegoer. Maybe next year will be better. I’m betting Ollie and I will at least have Animated Feature locked down.

* I know they included this in alternate endings. Doesn’t count.

I think it’s time to rename the House Chamber.

“Pork bills do not fly in the House Chamber of Mutombo.”

Last weekend, Courtney and I were in Clarksville’s perdurable Green Tree Mall for the first time in ages. While there have been many changes, one in particular stood out among them all. The Hometown Buffet has changed ownership and is now … Buffet City.

Just thought that was funny.

Buffet City.

Man, there was no escaping this Blue Monday guy today.

There was a total media blitz. I heard about it on the news this morning before leaving. They were talking about it on NPR every time I was in my car. The Internets have been abuzz with Blue Monday talk. If you were fortunate enough to miss it all, here’s the poop. Some British psychologist theorizes that a number of factors (including unpaid Christmas bills, fizzled-out New Year’s resolutions, and the weather) come together to make one day — today — the most depressing day of the year.

The guy obviously knows how to work the publicity channels, but if he really cared, you’d think he’d have given us about a one-week heads-up.

Well, so much for Blue Monday.

- I made much headway at work, learning the ins and outs of Crystal Reports. Joy.
- I fixed Bev Withers’ computer, for the most part. There’s still some tidying up to be done. Glee.
- We readied seven metric tons worth of garbage for pickup tomorrow. We’ve been overrun with trash for the past two weeks. (Who knew city sanitation workers didn’t get off for Martin Luther King Day?) Rapture.

Note June 22 on your calendar. Dr. Downer says that’s essentially the opposite of today. It is a Friday, but hopefully that doesn’t mean I’ll have to break Bev’s computer and receive a shipment of garbage.

More info here.

“Strange Season,” Michael Penn
“Dust,” Van Hunt
“Never Leave Lonely,” Ben Harper
“Gorilla,” James Taylor
“No Man’s Land,” Sufjan Stevens
“Sing It Like A Victim,” Garrison Starr
“Running On Faith,” Eric Clapton
“Bring Down The Birds,” Herbie Hancock
“Head Like A Hole (Slate),” Nine Inch Nails
“Jackson Cannery (Original 7″ version),” Ben Folds Five